Introspection
by Dealing With It Now
Summary: TF: Ani; oneshot - Sometimes, you need to hear out someone less experienced than you. They might know the right thing when you're blind to its possibility.


Please, don't shoot me. xD I wrote this for a contest on LiveJournal, and if I had more time I would have had it beta'd or something, but now that it's up there I'll post it here too, just so I can hopefully receive any kind of feedback on it. -hates it- I also rarely write in first person point of view, but I thought this needed more of a personal perspective. Any kind of review would be greatly appreciated.

Transformers: Animated; don't like it, don't comment please. And this takes place immediately after the episode, "Along Came a Spider".

* * *

It had been only a few earthly rotations since I had learned that Elita One, now Blackarachnia, was still alive. It was odd; for so long I would have never thought that the knowledge of her survival could have brought me pain. 

Something else I would have never thought, but I know I should have listened to Sentinel, oh so long ago. I should have let him go after her. I should have done a lot of things that day.

But of course I didn't. One day in a long life of centuries, and it all but destroyed everything I was. It destroyed what I wanted to be. Ever since arriving on Earth… being celebrated as a hero… I have been able to distract myself more so than usual. But that didn't even last long; the past is an expert stalker and knows how to strike when its prey is most vulnerable. It won't leave me alone, but I know I don't _deserve_ to be left alone. Elita would most likely never know peace again; Sentinel was still unaware of her survival; the blame is on me alone for now and I will bear it alone because no one else can. No one else should. And by Primus, no one else will, not until…

Guilt and regret engage like connivers in my spark, and the ache created by their bond is nearly unbearable, the pain almost transcending to a physical state. Sitting still any longer was out of the question. I force myself up and walk out of the storage room, pacing parallel to an entrance to some other room. The movement helps little, and I almost reconsider sitting still again for the nth time today; sitting, pacing, sitting, pacing. It was a cycle, just like everything else. Just a cycle, nothing more.

"Boss 'Bot?"

Jumping slightly, I realize that I probably shouldn't have become so engrossed in my own thoughts; what a glutton for punishment I am. I turn around to see the questioning countenance of Bumblebee, and I assume he has every right to be curious. He had seen… Blackarachnia and had witnessed the change in me since. I should try harder to act normally, but I really can't find it in me to care about what is normal anymore.

"Hm, what is it?" I ask simply, not noticing anything out of place about him and the absence of an angry Ratchet implied that he wasn't in any sort of trouble.

I had never seen him act so awkwardly; he always did everything with an overconfident flair that could be endearing and agitating at the same instant. "Uhm, well, are you alright, Boss 'Bot? Ever since Halloween you seem to be more uh… quiet and, well you know…"

I look at him, and force a half-smile with little emotion behind it. "I'm fine, don't worry about it, Bumblebee." Glancing behind him, I notice Sari approach, but she stops when she notices me looking. Had I really alienated myself from them so completely? Was it talking to _me_ that caused Bumblebee to act so uncomfortably? "Why don't you go play with Sari? I think she's waiting for you."

Bumblebee turns his own head around to see her, but doesn't immediately run off to her as expected. Instead he looks back to me, "You know, Optimus, the humans have a phrase I like. Sari used it once, they say 'Time heals all wounds'. I'm not entirely sure what's hurtin' you, Boss 'Bot, but it'll get better." He grins before turning around and running to Sari, who also gives me a smile before turning her back and starting some conversation with Bumblebee.

I watch them go, and think over the rather naïve advice I had just received. I had to silently thank Bumblebee for trying to help, but honestly the little human colloquialism did little for me. Of course time heals all wounds when your average life span is less than a century.

Staring at their shrinking forms, I smirk wryly, "'Time heals all wounds'… I guess I'm just still waiting, huh?"

Shaking my head I turn back around, retreating to the solitude of the storage room.

Just a cycle, nothing more.

* * *


End file.
